How was I to Know?
by Lyrical Rex
Summary: Shounen-ai. KaiJou. "How was I to know you loved me" -One Shot-


I am trying to break off my dependence on Rai. I am not even going to type Rai's name once, or even mention the fact that I am trying to control my self and not have Rai read the bulletins for me. I will not mention the fact that I always use Rai, with the permission of Rednal29, as a staple point in my authors note. I will not even type the word "Rai."

Tye: You broke your promise over five times.

SO? At least I didn't have HIM tell me that!

Tye: Tye rhymes with Rai, you know.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.**

**Warnings: Shounen-ai. KaibaxJounouchi pairing. Angst. Character suicide.**

**How was I to know?**

How was I to know you loved me? How was I to know that every word I said to you made you hurt, because it came out so cold and spiteful? How was I to know that I was the cause of your death, the cause of you slitting your throat, marring that perfectly smooth flesh that I had so longingly wished to kiss?

How was I to know you loved me?

Ironicly, I loved you too.

I loved the way your soft, silky hair fell in your face. I loved the way you talked, and the way your hands move, twisting around each other when you're nervous, and shaking when you're angry. Sometimes I'd find my self staring at them, wishing just to pick one up in my hands and softly kiss them all over, from the tips of the fingers to the base of your palm. Oh Ra, they looked so soft... so delicate, although I knew that you'd rather punch me with them than let me kiss them.

Or, I thought I knew.

That is, until I got your letter. It was still slightly blood stained, next to your lifeless body.

When I first heard the news, I sat in shock staring at your smiling school picture on the ten o'clock news. "16 year-old Jounouchi Katsuya committed suicide today in his second floor apartment in Domino today. He killed himself by slitting his throat, and was found by his fourteen-year-old sister Kawai Shizuka at sunset this evening..."

Sunset. Was this symbolic? I couldn't help wondering. The sun setting on your life... How could you know how it would leave me in the darkness without your light? I wasn't even listening to the report as the reporters interviewed your sister and mother, and talked about your father and his alchoholism, and how he must've regretted not being in your life more. I wasn't paying attention to anything but that picture of you, burned in my mind.

When the phone rang, bringing me out of my reverie, it was Yuugi on the other line.

"Kaiba, Shizuka found a letter addressed to you in Jou's room. She wanted me to give it to you." Yuugi's voice was shaking, and hoarse from crying. I noticed just then my face was wet with tears as well.

"Alright, Yuugi, I'll be at your shop soon." I hung up quickly. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and straightened my jacket.

Once in control of myself, I had a driver drive me to the Kame game shop. "Yuugi." He was wearing a black, per usual, but had his eyes cast down sadly. "I have come to understand you have something for me?"

Dully, Yuugi handed me a blood-stained envelope. "Read it, Kaiba."

"I will," I snapped, snatching the stained envelope away from the short boy. I stalked out the door again to the limo and ordered the driver to take me home. I crossed my legs in the backseat, and examined the letter. My name was scrawled on the back of the envelope as "Seto." I blinked. Why would you call me Seto? Slitting the envelope carefully, I opened it.

_Dear Kaiba,_

_It disturbed you that I put Seto on the envelope, didn't it? Well, I guess I just wanted to call you that name once, even if I was dead when you read this. Which I will be, I assure you. You won't have to worry about the stupid puppy ruining the air with his stupidity anymore._

_I'm grimacing as I write this, you know that? Why am I even writing this? It's not like you care, like you'll read it anyways. It'll just lay in my room for the rest of eternity, until somebody reads it and makes fun of me for it. I don't care. I'll be long gone by then._

_Who would've thought I'd fall for the cold, heartless CEO of Kaiba Corporations, a guy who would NEVER love me, even if he was gay, anyways? Figures, huh? I've loved you since I can remember. I know you can never love me back. It's just the way the world works. I hate you, you hate me. I LOVE you, and you STILL hate me. Well, it's better this way. I won't be staining your reputation as a heterosexual, huh? Even though you are, of course.  
_

_That's all I have to say, actually. I love you. Three words, that's it. Don't even bother saying anything to me if I live. I still hate you, you know, even if I love you._

_Your puppy forever,  
Jounouchi Katsuya_


End file.
